At His Best: This dad is energetic and hard working, and he meets his need to have control by organizing his children, their activities and education in a way that brings out the best in them. His children feel secure because of his take charge approach to everything and reassurance that their needs are addressed fairly. He will engage them in thought-provoking conversations, and listen respectfully. The Leader Dad has what it takes to manage a busy, active family, as he can juggle many tasks and get a lot done. He teaches his children the rules of life and how to play by them. He is a model of fairness and justice, and will engage his children in problem solving. His kids learn how to be good citizens and he involves them in church, community and social activities. He does what he can to create a network of friends, extended family, and community organizations to foster a sense of belonging.

Potential Pitfalls: The Leader Dad feels overly responsible for his children’s successes and failures. He struggles to let them do things their own way and can be highly critical of individuality. Older children often accuse him of “trying to run their lives.” Emotional conflict is a source of distress, and he will either avoid it or overpower his children. He believes that children should be controlled and rational, and he quickly squashes emotionality, not realizing that he is also squashing creativity and individuality. He expects his children to follow societal norms and finds it upsetting when they don’t. He often puts work before his relationships, spending long hours away without recognizing the effect this has on his kids. He struggles to live up to “superhuman” expectations he has for himself.

Tips for the Leader Father: This Dad needs to lighten up, stop doing and start being. He can be too quick to accept responsibility for everyone else’s failings, especially his children. This allows him to condone behaviors he would not normally accept. He needs to allow for unstructured time for himself and his children to be creative and use their imaginations. Too often the consequences of his style are children who are dependent on him because he has over controlled their lives. Staying in touch with his physical, mental and emotional expectations for himself and his children and examining whether they are realistic can be helpful. Above all, this dad needs to learn to accept  his human vulnerabilities and limitations so that he can enjoy his children more fully.

Father’s Day with the Leader Dad: A traditional Father’s Day is on the menu for this Dad. Breakfast in bed, a picnic at the park, and then to dinner at a family restaurant with other families. He will let everyone know what is expected so that everything is organized to the detail. He will probably have dropped hints for the last month about what he wants for gifts so nothing is left to chance. He will make sure that gifts are bought within the family budget and kids are given the opportunity and materials to make things for him. He will enjoy the day if it all goes to his plan. He will appreciate practical or useful gifts, so give him gifts that you know he can use, wear or consume. Tickets for events are often a winner with this Dad as well.

At His Best: The Stabilizer Dad meets his need to be secure by tending to his children’s basic needs for food, clothing and shelter. He maintains a secure environment by defining clear roles for parent and child, steady and consistent rules, and predictable routines. He believes children must ultimately be independent. His goal is to instill good study habits and show them “how to be organized” and make effective use of time. He views it as his responsibility to discuss the pros and cons of different ways people earn a living. He sets the standard for hard work, gives children “jobs” around the house, expects them to do their best at school, and insists they clean up after themselves. He strives to instill a strong work ethic and sense of social responsibility in his children.

Potential Pitfalls: Considered to be the “traditional” image of the father, he expects his children to follow his orders. Private and inwardly focused, he gets drained by disorder and children’s commotion. His need for predictability and structure makes the more out-of-control, emotional nature of young children intolerable. He may react by becoming more rigid and demanding. His sense of duty and work ethic causes him to put the needs of his children last. His children feel a lack of emotional connection and can doubt their father’s feelings for them. When he doesn’t get time to himself at the end of the day, he can become sullen and unresponsive. He rarely feels the need to explain himself or his behaviour, nor does he recognize the emotional needs of his children.

Tips for the Stabilizer Dad: The Stabilizer Dad needs to plan to be spontaneous; otherwise he will keep on working until he collapses. He needs to let others know when he needs some quiet time to recharge instead of just disappearing into his basement, TV room or garage. The more he plans for time alone, the less it will affect his kids as they can believe that he just don’t want to be with them. He can also relax and reduce tension with physical activity, such as walking, jogging or biking on his own. It takes time for this dad to realize that he is entitled to put himself first ahead of all the work that needs to be done. He does well when he asks a loved one for gentle reminders about doing something fun for himself or engaging in activities which are fun for the entire family.

Father’s Day with the Stabilizer Dad: This Dad is easy to please as he expects so little for himself. In fact, you may have to insist that you celebrate! A dinner with well behaved children with little fanfare can be the greatest enjoyment for him. He may want to do the barbequing himself because he is uncomfortable with others doing for him. Don’t expect that he won’t find some job that he just has to do during the day that will give him time away that he likes to have doing his own thing. Gifts that are practical are appreciated, as are things related to a hobby or interest. Tickets to go to a sports event or a round of golf are also winners. Just don’t buy him something that is impractical or frivolous as he will consider it a waste of money!

At His Best: The Visionary Dad follows the beat of his own drum and respects his children’s individuality, encouraging them to think for themselves and act on their own beliefs. Because of his non-conformity and inner drive, he provides his children with a role model for a non-traditional man. He can dream up unusual, fun projects his children can do to occupy their time and enrich their day-to-day experience. He has high standards for himself and his children and is constantly encouraging self-awareness and self-improvement. He expects his children to stretch themselves, accept the challenges of life, and do their best despite obstacles along the way. Focused on understanding values, spirituality, culture, and society, he provides awareness and insights into life beyond a child’s immediate experience and questions.

Potential Pitfalls: Introverted and sensitive, the Visionary Dad is drained by the chaos and hullabaloo of raising children. He finds it difficult to relate to several children at once, preferring instead one-on-one time with each child. He can feel inadequate if he compares himself to more domestic or traditional fathers. He can try so hard to understand why he can’t get his children to behave the way he wants them to that he fails to engage with them. He often has unrealistic expectations of himself and his children, and he is prone to overcorrecting and nitpicking perceived flaws in behavior. This can make his children feel as though they are not good enough and a disappointment to their father. He may also be prone to over-accommodation and self-sacrifice to make sure that everyone’s needs are taken care of.

Tips for the Visionary Father: This dad needs lots of time on his own so that his emotions don’t get the better of him. Time alone on a regular basis protects his children from being affected by  his mood swings. Spend time alone to meditate, journal, listen to music, and enjoy nature, or have intimate discussions with close friends keeps you in balance. Playing with his children and taking life less seriously helps as well. He needs to take time to appreciate his children for who they are rather than focusing on what they “should be” like.  He can try to balance being physically and emotionally available to his children with time for himself to think, read, or listen to the silence. It also helps to work on accepting himself for who he is and not comparing himself to other fathers or some ideal for what he believes a great dad “should be.”

Father’s Day with the Visionary Dad: This Dad doesn’t like a lot of attention but doesn’t want to be overlooked on Father’s Day. It can be challenging to know what to buy for him because you can be afraid to fall short of his ideals. Don’t let this stop you. He can be delighted by gadgets such as a GPS, Ipod or desk organizer. Personalized pens, a book by a favorite author or tickets to a speaker he wants to hear are all welcome. He will also enjoy sentimental cards and personal messages from his children although they can seem to embarrass him. Don’t forget his sense of humour when looking for books and his enjoyment of spiritual symbols when looking for unusual gifts for him. An astrology reading could be right up his alley!

At His Best: This dad meets his need to be knowledgeable by helping his children learn and know. He enjoys teaching and tries to instill a love of learning by finding ways to build on a child’s natural curiosity. Prizing independence, he gives his children lots of space to develop on their own. While he may not always agree with them, he fundamentally believes his children have the right to their own points of view. He has high aspirations for their competence, yet he seldom pushes and is usually tolerant and calm, not highly critical of children’s mistakes. He tends to follow their lead in what interests them, rather than trying to shape or control what or how they think. Not liking to be confined by rules or authority himself, he is intentionally “lenient” with his children so they can think situations through on their own and choose their actions.

Potential Pitfalls: This dad is out of his element when it comes to giving children the emotional closeness they need. Handling the domestic side of child-raising does not appeal to him, and he can easily become exhausted by children’s non-stop chatter, constant activity, lack of self-control, and never-ending demands for his attention. When he is overwhelmed by the demands of his children, he withdraws inside himself, finding a way to escape from his feelings. He cares deeply but does not naturally show warmth and affection, know how to soothe a scared child, or figure out the emotional aspects of a child’s behavior. His children may confuse his non-intrusive or introverted behavior as a lack of caring. When focused on reading, thinking, or work, his children may feel they can’t access him and can feel intimidated by his intense focus.

Tips for Intellectual Fathers: This father needs to find a comfortable way to connect with his children’s feelings and concerns on a regular basis. This can be done by learning tools or techniques he can use to initiate more personal conversations. He needs to schedule his quiet time and let his children know that he is going to take it instead of just disappearing. He will help his children feel secure with him by remembering to smile and try to look friendly. He can also keep the connection by doing things his children like to do instead of insisting they learn so you can teach. Communicating more about his personal self and letting himself be known is a great practice. He needs to learn to trust in his own unique strengths as a father and enjoy his relationship with his children rather than comparing himself to other fathers.

Father’s Day with the Intellectual Dad: This Dad prefers low key activities and minimum fanfare. A quiet, relaxed dinner at home with their children is just fine with him as is going to a favorite family restaurant. His need for social interaction is low and if he wants to do something, he will let you know. Because the Intellectual Dad is quiet and thoughtful, enjoying best those moments when he can get away on his own to read or learn something new, giving him the gift of an evening off goes a long way. He is more difficult to buy for and to give to, but a well chosen gift or gift card from a store he buys from will suffice. Giving him books, educational software, or subscriptions to hobby related magazines, usually hits the spot. This Dad’s loves to learn, learn, and learn.

At His Best: The Adventurer Dad is filled with joy for living. He knows how to have fun and laugh with his children. This action-oriented father gets actively involved in what his children are doing. He doesn’t just sign them up for sports; he goes out and tosses the football with them or coaches their football team. Easy going and straightforward, he is content to go with the flow and rarely loses his cool. In fact, he thrives on “chaos” and lives a no-strings-attached lifestyle. He is a whiz at creating fun, turning “boring” aspects of day-to-day living into interesting things to do with his children. While he may detest attending to routine or emotional aspects of child care, he will enjoy attending to the physical needs of his home and property as they arise, and is likely to have a lot of projects on the go in which he lets his kids participate.

Potential Pitfalls: Extroverted and impulsive, this dad will ignore routines and upset his children’s stability with his need for spontaneity. He has difficulty tolerating the quiet and slow times of family life and will look for distractions to get him out of the tedium. He is far from being a disciplinarian, and sticking to rules is often harder for him than for his children. He can be impatient doing homework with children because of his own dislike of learning by rote and memorization. His competitive nature may affect the self-esteem of his children, particularly when sports or other physical activities are involved. He is unaware of the emotional needs of his children and may get frustrated or ridicule them should they cry. He may even compete with his children to be the child, and demand to be taken care of.

Tips for Adventurer Fathers: This Dad needs to take the time to understand his children’s needs so that he better understands the impact of his behavior on them. This will help him to give his children space and time to develop their own interests and independence. Most of all, he must stop competing with his children. It may be fun for him but it isn’t always for his kids. He can learn to put his children’s needs ahead of his own by spending time listening to his children’s thoughts, feelings and ideas without judging them. He will also benefit from building tolerance to planning and develop a number of activities that balance his need for action and spontaneity with a child’s need for downtime. The practice of mindfulness and self-reflection can help him develop the habit of observing his impulses rather than giving in to them.

Father’s Day with the Adventurer Dad: This action oriented Dad appreciates a day of activity with or without his children, to celebrate Father’s Day. Because he tends to enjoy most sports you can’t go wrong with a gift with a sports theme or tickets to see a game of his choice. Personalized travel mugs or T-shirts with dad’s favourite team logo on it, NFL game day cookbook, hunting decoys or NASCAR DVD’s will be winners. A backyard barbeque with the family and with neighbours is usually a best case-scenario for celebrating. Stay away from the touchy-feeling sentimental type when buying him cards as he much prefers humour!

At His Best: The Artist Dad’s goal is to create perfect relationships with his children. He is devoted, accepting and gentle, often putting his children’s needs and desires before his own. His “go with the flow” outlook means he will spend time playing with his children when they are young, and will find other ways to engage and interact with them as they get older. He pays close attention to his children’s feelings, really listening, trying to understand, and respond appropriately. He is also comfortable sharing his own feelings with his children. He likes doing the little things that matter most to them. Unlike other Father Styles, this dad knows intuitively how to soothe his child’s upset feelings by reassuring and encouraging. He helps them believe they can do anything they want and does not impose his will on them.

Potential Pitfalls: This dad has no limits to what he will do for his children and struggles with giving too much. He finds disciplining his children extremely difficult and he can become uncharacteristically harsh, rigid and emotional when he has to do this. He will often compare himself to other fathers and believe his is not behaving like a “real man”. He can adopt a pseudo-macho approach to compensate for his sensitive nature, most likely when other fathers are present. This can leave his children occasionally wondering who he is. It is hard for him to assert himself with traditional authority figures, such as teachers and medical professionals. Organizing and keeping daily family routines can seem overwhelming. He is sporadic in his focus, tends to procrastinate and often feels unproductive.

Tips for Artist Fathers: This dad needs to learn to give to himself and learn to say “no” to his children without judging himself as selfish. A supportive partner, good friend, or professional coach or counselor may be beneficial in learning how to say “no”. He can also benefit from learning conflict communication skills. The Artist Dad need to stop comparing himself to and trying to be like other fathers, and find value in his own parenting style. He does best when he trusts his own wisdom when making decisions on behalf of his children. Because of his introverted nature, he needs to spend long blocks of time alone to read, watch a movie, or participate in solitary sports. Most of all, the Artist dad needs to let himself make mistakes and learn from them instead of trying to be perfect.

Father’s Day with the Artist Dad: Many Dads of this Style don’t feel they deserve to be acknowledged because they are perfectionists and extremely critical of how they parent. They also have difficulty having the attention on them. But don’t even think of not doing something to acknowledge them because it will wound them deeply. It doesn’t have to be grand, only authentic. Whatever the gift, it needs to be personal and indicate that he is known. For example, his children can write a story or a poem, draw a picture and make a frame, anything with a personal touch. He will also be happy with a CD of a well liked artist, tickets to a play, or a promised day in nature. Simple, relational and heartfelt gifts are all appreciated gifts.